Why my house is never clean...

I got home from work tonight and it felt SO good to open the door to the cool air conditioning after the oppressive heat outside. But when the three dogs came for their welcome home hugs and kisses, I recognized a problem immediately. Someone had rolled in something and I was forced to sniff each one to determine the culpret. As expected, it was Jake and it was so yucky that I was thankful for the heat so that I did not have to bathe him indoors. While I was foaming him up I heard the familiar "splash" to tell me that Maggie was in the pool again. Joking, I threatened her again with "Maggie, you are going to grow mold from never getting dry!" Honestly, she rarely gets dry anymore because she is in the pool that often. It didn't take long to get them "mostly" dry and I let them in the house. While we were eating dinner, Sarah mentioned that Maggie was biting at the base of her tail (actually, she said Maggie was biting her butt, but she wasn't). Closer examination showed raw, red skin right at the base of her tail, where her hair is thickest and takes a long while to dry. I dryed it good with the hairdryer, made everyone promise to keep her out of the pool and pondered what (if anything) I should put on her. I was wishing I had some Monkeybutt powder that I always threaten to buy for a joke. About that time I hear the dreaded sound of a dog vomiting. I arrive in the living room in time to see a huge pile of grass and other "stuff" and a pathetic looking Jake. Great. So I chase the dogs out of the house to get out the carpet shampooer. I get the barf up as well as another dirty spot that has been bugging me for a few days and I take the carpet shampooer out in the backyard to clean it up. Just about the time I finish, I catch Jake out of the corner of my eye ROLLING IN SOMETHING! Is it bedtime yet? Calgon take me away.....